Take this master cylinder & shove it

Well, as just about anyone can tell you, having automotive problems can be one of the most frustrating feelings. My Ford truck had a VERY old set of brakes when I bought it, & I've been having various components repaired as money & time allow. Most of the work has been done at the Midas on Sunset just off the Hollywood freeway. But the days of me forking over my dough on to those dunderheads' plates are long gone. Turns out the only thing those wahoos specialize in is pissing off your humble narrator. Can you believe I went there three, that's right THREE times trying to get my brakes fixed? My ABS light & the emergency brake light were both turning on intermittently, along with an ominous tightening of the brake pedal. So those blithering idiots string me along to the tune of a few hundred dollars doing various odd jobs that do absolutely nothing towards solving the problem. When I take the truck back they say everything is fine, it's just an old ABS sensor & it's not a safety issue. When I take it back again with both lights flashing & the brakes siezing up, they tell me (after a 3 hour wait) that they're missing the adaptor that can check the computer for ABS errors. Take it to the dealer, they say, then bring it back when they know what the problem is & they'll fix it for me (the dealer charges $120 just to turn the diagnostic machine on). Well folks, you would be proud of the restraint I showed that day. A few blunt statements & a brief squealing of tires where there was once the stream of obscenities & the randomly hurled object. Let me tell you, there'll be some outfielders hating their jobs this season (if you read my previous post that'll make more sense). The next week my daily commute is cut short by a terrible sound & a stream of acrid smoke shooting out of my rear wheels, causing a bit of a stir on the eastern stretch of Santa Monica Blvd. Turns out the rear cylinders were sticking, and subsequently burning up the shoes. But I catch a break, my parent's signed me up for AAA for xmas...turns out to be a better present thanthe Jabba the Hut playset, which I didn't think was possible. A local mechanic, recommended by the towing company that picks me up, fixes the problem & I'm on my way. Well naturally the same symptoms promptly set in. I bring it back to the local guy and here's what he tells me, in so many words: the truck's computer, which turns on when the truck is started, is not unlike the computer you use at work or school. After you boot up, it takes awhile for various programs to open up. There was a problem, or "virus", if you will, in rear anti-lock brake circuit, so when the ABS program activated, it was causing the rear brakes to lock up. Solution? The guy reaches under the truck & unplugs the ABS unit, & sends me on my way. Well, first he explained to me that one day, like the new Mercedes E-class, mankind will be controlled by small, sophisticated computers...then he sent me on my way.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, in the thralls of another rambling internal monologue...now let's see...Midas, if I recall correctly, was a king whose lust for gold ended up destroying his life in an ironic twist. Yeah, you never hear about his kids who were transmogrified into golden statuettes eternally frozen in silent screams of agony & terror. Reminds me of when Han Solo was encased in carbonite. That's right folks, I was able pull out not one but TWO Star Wars references out from this mess.

Still got it.