Wild Turkey couldn't drag me away
So we're coming up on Thanksgiving. We commemorate the Pilgrims & the Indians getting together & learning how to plant corn, etc. What came as a shock to me is that other countries also have Thanksgiving. Would you believe that they have it Korea?! Korean Thanksgiving. What I want to know is, what the hell do Korean Indians look like. And do they have turkeys over there? The only Korean food I've ever had is Korean BBQ down there by Mid-Wilshire, which is supposed to be turning into a "cool" place. If you ask me, the only "cool" thing about it is the reception I get when I go through there. But I digress.........Thanksgiving is one of those non-denominational holidays that I can really get behind. For one thing, they have football games, & usually pretty decent ones. Detroit always plays one game, & so does Dallas. Neither team is really on fire this year but what the hell.
Thanksgiving also marks the time of year when TV show marathons bless our households. When I was growing up they would play "The Twilight Zone" on channel 5. Nowadays, what with all these new-fangled cable channels, they have all kinds of whacky movie-marathons too. I think they might have these marathons because people are up and about waiting for the turkey to cook, waiting for relatives to arrive, getting the house ready, drinking etc. This year I'm making my 3rd turkey, & hope to remedy the mistakes I've made in the past. I'm going to wrap the ends of the drumsticks in foil so they don't burn, & I'm going to turn the turkey around so one end isn't more cooked than the other. I'll probably employ a little foresight & buy a little extra beer, too.
This is as good a time as any to revive the fierce debate that rages through any Thanksgiving: could I hunt & kill a live turkey in the wild, armed only with a bolo & knife? The answer, of course, is yes. Now, I'm not saying that the bird wouldn't get a few good licks in, what with me being on his home turf. But come on, people! The odds would be on the same level as deep-sea fishing. Yeah, once in a while you see one of those yellow-fin tunas pull some yokel wearing one of those fishing-pole harnesses off of the boat & into the briny deep, but the difference is, I'm no yokel on America's Funniest Home Videos. I don't even need a bow and arrow to catch a turkey, that would take the sport out of it. In fact, I could even ditch the knife & just wring the damn thing's neck. I could go on & on about man vs. turkey but I'm saving the real bombshells of the debate over Thanksgiving dinner. So, let me leave you, dear internet geek, with this holiday tip: Make every effort to wake your ass up early & start with the prep; it'll free up a huge chunk of the day to sit on your glutes, watch football, & drink beer etc. Unless you're one of those people who thinks that eating turkey is cruel! Imagine a world where turkeys raise US to be slaughtered & eaten during Autumn festivities, during "The Turkey Zone" marathons. It's enough to make your blood run cold, isn't it? So let's all do our part to contribute to turkey population control, one look into those beady eyes is all it takes, can't you see the calculated, plotting fury behind them? Eat a turkey, the life you save may be your own.
Thanksgiving also marks the time of year when TV show marathons bless our households. When I was growing up they would play "The Twilight Zone" on channel 5. Nowadays, what with all these new-fangled cable channels, they have all kinds of whacky movie-marathons too. I think they might have these marathons because people are up and about waiting for the turkey to cook, waiting for relatives to arrive, getting the house ready, drinking etc. This year I'm making my 3rd turkey, & hope to remedy the mistakes I've made in the past. I'm going to wrap the ends of the drumsticks in foil so they don't burn, & I'm going to turn the turkey around so one end isn't more cooked than the other. I'll probably employ a little foresight & buy a little extra beer, too.
This is as good a time as any to revive the fierce debate that rages through any Thanksgiving: could I hunt & kill a live turkey in the wild, armed only with a bolo & knife? The answer, of course, is yes. Now, I'm not saying that the bird wouldn't get a few good licks in, what with me being on his home turf. But come on, people! The odds would be on the same level as deep-sea fishing. Yeah, once in a while you see one of those yellow-fin tunas pull some yokel wearing one of those fishing-pole harnesses off of the boat & into the briny deep, but the difference is, I'm no yokel on America's Funniest Home Videos. I don't even need a bow and arrow to catch a turkey, that would take the sport out of it. In fact, I could even ditch the knife & just wring the damn thing's neck. I could go on & on about man vs. turkey but I'm saving the real bombshells of the debate over Thanksgiving dinner. So, let me leave you, dear internet geek, with this holiday tip: Make every effort to wake your ass up early & start with the prep; it'll free up a huge chunk of the day to sit on your glutes, watch football, & drink beer etc. Unless you're one of those people who thinks that eating turkey is cruel! Imagine a world where turkeys raise US to be slaughtered & eaten during Autumn festivities, during "The Turkey Zone" marathons. It's enough to make your blood run cold, isn't it? So let's all do our part to contribute to turkey population control, one look into those beady eyes is all it takes, can't you see the calculated, plotting fury behind them? Eat a turkey, the life you save may be your own.
posted by I. P. Frehley at 11:06 PM
1 Comments:
If you saw a huge wild turkey running towards you, what would be the first thing you would do? Me, I would probably scream and run away, but even if you got past that initial fear, you better be dead on with the bolo. I still say you need a weapon to kill a turkey, I mean, who ever heard of ringing a turkey's neck? They're freakin huge. That thing would claw the shit out of you.
Thanksgiving in Korea? This is the kind of thing that needs to be stopped. There weren't any korean pilgrims, were there? Korea should stick to what they know: math and the sexual exploitation of minors. Uh, please to forgive buhratant racism, so solly. No better place to celebrate the freedom from religious persecution than Korea, right? What's next, St. Patrick's day in Bulgaria? What the fuck? Plus, many koreans have cataracts. Not he eye thing, but the CARS!!!!!HA HAH AHAHAHA!!!
Thanksgiving in itself seems a bit fallacious to me. I mean, what one day out of the year we're thakful? Fuck all that, I'm thankful every day of the year. Thanksgiving's too comercial anyways, what withthe Turkeys, and well, I don't know what else, but why aren't there any good fucking marathons on anymore? All that was on was King of the ill and Everybody loves Raymond. Not much else. FELIZ DIA DE GRACIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good eebeling.
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