Hooligan's Island
So we went & saw that "Green Street Hooligans" movie, the one with Frodo like you've never seen him before. Lemme tell ya, if I could do it again, instead of being a beer-swilling ne'er-do-well in Los Angeles, I'd be a beer-swilling football hooligan in ye olde United Kingdom. I'd loosely followed that scene via the mystical magical internet & some light reading, but what a great concept, a whole movie about British soccer fans running amok. I especially liked the fact that they were able to sprint through such superfluous elements of the plot as story & character development. No, I'm serious!!! I didn't pay to see Elijah Wood act, I paid to see him fight!
So now it turns out there's a whole slew of similar movies that were released in the UK that I gotta get my hands on. There's even one starring Gary fucking Oldman! Yeah, yeah, I shoulda known, I shoulda known, this is old news & I'm just another American johnny-come-lately. So fucking what. Here are just a few of the things I'd be able to do if I were a supporter out there, instead of a Monday-morning quarterback out here:
1) When your home team (I guess in this instance we'll have to suppose it's the Dodgers) is getting beaten, & there's some pricks making a ruckus in the stands cheering for the other team, you know, you see it at every goddamn game...well, instead of just glaring & giving them the finger like I do, you beat the everloving shit out of them. There's a way they say it in the movie that sounds a lot wittier...."Beat seven shades of shit out of them" or something like that. Very English.
2) You get to drink 24-oz cans of Fosters. It's Australian for beer, mate! Never mind the wimpy oversized cans you buy here, they have tall-boys of Fosters readily available. At least they did in the movie.
3) You get to be a snappy fucking dresser. They call it "casual" out there. The outfits these guys wear to streetfights cost more than two months of car payments. Awsome! Could this be my new look, a departure from Dickies & goofy t-shirts? The answer is yes, people!
4) English pub: your home away from home. These guys spend their free time in honest-to-goodness English pubs (well, they're in England, so I guess that's not such a big deal to them). I've found a pub in Pasadena that I took my brother to, & it wasn't half bad. Imagine living in a city where EVERY bar is a rowdy English pub. Nice!
5) You get to drink & sing & throw things & basically go buck-wild. Does it get any better than that? The answer, my dear readers, is no.
So in lieu of uprooting myself & heading across the pond to support Cardiff City, I guess i can settle for watching the games...yes, watching soccer. It's not so bad. The games I've watched have actually had some scoring, which helps. It's a little trickier to warm up to the sport watching 0-0 ties. Oh wait...that's nil-nil! Haha. I don't guess they'd appreciate any token acts of hooliganism at that place in Pasadena. That's how us Americans get a bad name.
Sheesh. Obviously I need to find a way to blow off some steam. Getting drunk watching Raider games isn't quite enough. And that's saying something!
So now it turns out there's a whole slew of similar movies that were released in the UK that I gotta get my hands on. There's even one starring Gary fucking Oldman! Yeah, yeah, I shoulda known, I shoulda known, this is old news & I'm just another American johnny-come-lately. So fucking what. Here are just a few of the things I'd be able to do if I were a supporter out there, instead of a Monday-morning quarterback out here:
1) When your home team (I guess in this instance we'll have to suppose it's the Dodgers) is getting beaten, & there's some pricks making a ruckus in the stands cheering for the other team, you know, you see it at every goddamn game...well, instead of just glaring & giving them the finger like I do, you beat the everloving shit out of them. There's a way they say it in the movie that sounds a lot wittier...."Beat seven shades of shit out of them" or something like that. Very English.
2) You get to drink 24-oz cans of Fosters. It's Australian for beer, mate! Never mind the wimpy oversized cans you buy here, they have tall-boys of Fosters readily available. At least they did in the movie.
3) You get to be a snappy fucking dresser. They call it "casual" out there. The outfits these guys wear to streetfights cost more than two months of car payments. Awsome! Could this be my new look, a departure from Dickies & goofy t-shirts? The answer is yes, people!
4) English pub: your home away from home. These guys spend their free time in honest-to-goodness English pubs (well, they're in England, so I guess that's not such a big deal to them). I've found a pub in Pasadena that I took my brother to, & it wasn't half bad. Imagine living in a city where EVERY bar is a rowdy English pub. Nice!
5) You get to drink & sing & throw things & basically go buck-wild. Does it get any better than that? The answer, my dear readers, is no.
So in lieu of uprooting myself & heading across the pond to support Cardiff City, I guess i can settle for watching the games...yes, watching soccer. It's not so bad. The games I've watched have actually had some scoring, which helps. It's a little trickier to warm up to the sport watching 0-0 ties. Oh wait...that's nil-nil! Haha. I don't guess they'd appreciate any token acts of hooliganism at that place in Pasadena. That's how us Americans get a bad name.
Sheesh. Obviously I need to find a way to blow off some steam. Getting drunk watching Raider games isn't quite enough. And that's saying something!
posted by I. P. Frehley at 4:22 PM
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